Why Not Something Simple?
by YYG
Summary: Zoro annoys Sanji, causing him to rant. One-shot, ZoSan/SanZo if you squint REALLY hard. Warning: Swearing


Me: Yeah, so I've recently been watching One Piece and it's now my favorite. I figured Sanji ranting was funny.

Mid: ON WITH IT ALREADY!

Disclaimer: I WANT TO BE ODA! But sadly this isn't about my desires T-T.

Warnings: My vuglar fingers, you can think of it as ZoroXSanji/SanjiXZoro if you want. Zoro leaves some hints.

Zoro yawned. After staying up all night for watch, when morning hit, he tried to give himself a reward. Of course, he tried to sneek into the kitchen for some sake, but the damn cook was already there. Sanji kicked him out ruthlessly, sending him to go to sleep without liquor in his veins.

When Zoro awoke, he entered the kitchen once again, taking a seat behind the table. He noticed Sanji was cooking another one of his damn fancy meals. Why couldn't he just make regular pancakes for once? "Hey, shit-cook," Zoro called. He could see Sanji's shoulders tense in annoyance, but he answered anyway. "What do you want, Marimo?"

"How come you always go all out on your food?" Sanji turned from the stove to face Zoro, arching an eyebrow. Was the swordsman stupid or something? Ignoring the idiot, he continued to stir the thick batter. Zoro growled. The shit-cook knew better than to ignore him! So now he had to pay the price, of course. "Shit-cook," the swordsman called again. Sanji didn't even move an inch. Zoro continued talking, "Why can't you make tacos?"

"...WHAT THE HELL, MARIMO?" Sanji yelled, batter forgotten. Zoro knew what was coming next, but it didn't bother him. It was exactly what he wanted. Sanji's curled eyebrow went downwards in a frown. Zoro grinned to himself. '3...2...1,' he thought.

"Why the fuck would I put something like that in our bodies?! Tacos are fucking gross, first of all. The shells always crumble as soon as you pick them up and shit. And who the hell would want that much meat on a dish?"

"MEAT?" Luffy's head popped in front of the door quickly, a wide smile on his face. Sanji waved his spoon towards the boy, scowling. "OUT," he said. Luffy's smile disappeared, replaced with puppy dog eyes. Sanji bit his lip and turned back to the stove. 'Don't you dare fucking look...' he thought. Luffy's eyes grew wider and more innocent the longer Sanji refused to look. Luffy popped up behind him, hands folded together along with his bottom lip out. Zoro chuckled. The cook didn't have a chance.

"DAMN IT, LUFFY, GO GET A RIB," Sanji growled. Luffy pumped his fist in the air, shouting "Yeah" as usual. He was out of the kitchen with a plateful of ribs faster than Zoro could blink. The swordsman laughed. He knew Sanji was weak when it came to their captain. He stopped, thinking of another type of food to ask. "What about Mac and Cheese?" he asked. Sanji stirred while speaking, "I've made Mac and Cheese before."

"No, you haven't."

"Yeah, I have."

"Not for us. Maybe at your snooty resturaunt with bread crumbs and fucking blue cheese. I mean regular Mac and Cheese." Sanji glanced at the other, confusion obvious on his face. Zoro knew a weird question was going to surface.

"How the hell can Mac and Cheese be regular? You probably want shit loads of cheese on it. Is that what you call ordinary and regular?" Zoro tapped his chin for a second. He knew Sanji hated when he pretended to think like that. "Uh, yeah. The cheese is the best part."

"Then why the fuck do you want the maccoroni? What is the purpose of pasta if you can't taste it?" Sanji turned his attention back to the stove. Zoro had no clue what he was cooking, but it looked like a lot of effort. What else kind of food would get a rise out of the chef?

"Would you ever consider making duck tongues?" Sanji didn't look back at the other; only shivered violently. "I have never cooked, touched, seen, or heard of that shit before in my life. Nor am I going to," the cook stated seriously. Just thinking about something so vile squeezed at his stomach. Food was suppose to be enjoyable, right? You can't just go around knife happy and start cooking random things. It ruins the santity!

Zoro let the cook continue making whatever it was he was making. He sat quietly at the table, thinking of other foods Sanji thought was inappropriate to make. Suddenly, the swordmans smirked widely, clearing his throat. "Oi, ero-cook," he called.

"What _now_, swordsman?"

Zoro couldn't hold in his giggle as he spoke, "How about...sloppy Joes?"

The kitchen grew quiet.

Zoro knew he had struck some kind of nerve.

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, SHITTY MARIMO?! YOU'D PREFER SOME FILTH LIKE THAT OVER MY CUISINES? YOU WANT SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EVEN STAY IN A BUN LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO FUCKING EAT IT? STUPID MARIMO!" Sanji yelled and shouted at the other, food forgotten yet again. Zoro loved the way Sanji's voice broke when he was angry. It was funny as hell, but cute. Zoro nodded, adding fuel to Sanji's grill (heh heh cooking pun). "Well, once in a while. I mean, you make us food like we're fucking royalty. It's annoying," the swordsman claimed. Sanji mumbled something under his breath, but Zoro didn't catch it. "Got something to say, then share it with the class, curly brow."

"_But you fucking eat every single thing on your damn plate, shitty swordsman,_" Sanji said louder, "So before you complain about my style, make sure you don't leave any fucking evidence of you liking it." Despite the cook's attitude towards him, Zoro couldn't help but smile.

Sanji made a plate of something and placed it in front of Zoro. The other was utterly speechless. "Uh, what is this?" he asked. Sanji grimaced. He was seriously starting to believe Zoro hit his head while training. "The fuck does it look like? It's pancakes, Marimo. You wanted something simple, right?" Sanji said. Zoro smiled, but didn't touch the food. Even when Sanji was done washing the dishes, the food remained untouched. To be honest, the cook was worried. This was the first time the swordsman hadn't completely demolished a meal. "What's wrong, marimo? Too simple for you?"

"It's burnt."

"LIKE HELL IT IS! I DON'T BURN MY FOOD, SHITTY MARIMO! IF IT IS THEN IT'S YOUR FAULT; YOU WERE DISTRACTING ME! SO YOU'RE GONNA EITHER EAT IT OR YOU CAN SHOVE IT UP YOR ASS!"

"Calm down, shitty-cook. It's not burnt," Zoro admitted. Sanji calmed instantly, feeling his heart rate go down. Was the swordsman trying to give him high blood pressure? Sanji stared a him, waiting for the other to start digging in. "Well?" he asked, "What's the matter now?"

"I don't like pancakes."

"FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN!"

Me: Haha, I love making Sanji mad. R&R!


End file.
